I dont want to go on
I can just tell everythings wrong
Just wondering were you’ve gone
I’m not ready to be a man
I want to be the boy
who cried over toys
and you sang me kenny rogers
all the memories I have
can never be enough
I wish this wasnt as tough
how do I move on
when I never said it enough
I love you mom
shouting it into nothing
wishing I could feel something
and I am just so bitter
I want to be with you
I’m afraid to fade away
When you are with me I feel as if I’ll stay
you once were running for me
but that was a different day
I hope that I can please you
I want to give my heart away
but long ago you stole
I let you keep it locked away
I pray that’ll you just hold me
your memories fill behind this face
once you used to call me
talked for hours everyday
can we just be like we used to?
or are we not the same
I know that I still love you
but am I just to late
I used to be your soilder
fought the demons away
you were my princess
but still helped me keep them at bay
I used to be so broken
in a very different way
now I’ve healed so slowly
the scars began to fade
but now I’m very broken
in a whole new scary way
can you be here for me
its not your job to heal me
I just need your help somedays
I wish that you will be
or did the old you fade away
did I hurt you so badly
that you dont want me the same
I hope that when you hold me
the world will go away
I want you to love me
like two lost souls in space
I had this poem sitting in my drafts for a long time, I didn’t know why but then it popped in my head and I started singing it in the shower and I realized its actually a song. I’d sing it but I cant sing
I’ll start a sober day
Cuz im lost along the way
This book is hardly done
And I’ve only got this one
Ill flip along the pages
It seems ive run out
all my ways
and tomorrow is just waiting
So I’ll start a sober day
and I see I’m only waiting
this old writing is faded
I shouldnt worn along these pages
could it be I’m only aging
would you see that i’m making
Progress
and tomorrow is my sober day
I think I’ve thrown it all away
this book is an empty burden
a reminder of my hurting
I’ll lite every page
til this whole damn book is burning
I dont think this is working
but tomorrow is a sober day
I can cut out all the pain
I feel
I burnt every page and
burnt every feeling
still this book remains
even on my sober days
I’ll keep writing every page
keep thanks in my own ways
and just keep the hope up
for my sober days
I will not waste away
or give in for a taste
I’ll start a sober day
cuz I’m lost along the way
and I can
Journal vs. Blog
I thought I’d start a journal
but that didn’t seem quite right
As I looked for a new outlet
it wandered into sight
A blog was what I needed
to help others see my life
I let out all my feelings
the ones I hold in tight
Not many people found me
the few who did were not very nice
I began to feel so lonely
That’s when she caught my eye
She said she knew she loved me
by the way I could write
I told her she was lovely
and oh so very nice
She asked for me to find her
one especially lonely night
So I traveled in the darkness
looking for her light
He spotted me from far away
“I could read your blog all night”
The creepy sleaze bag tricked me
but I guess that its alright
When I got home my wife had left me
she left a letter sealed all tight
"I left you for a man on the internet
his jaw lines very nice"
My wife came home crying that very same night
“He was a fat weirdo, I’ve ruined my life”
I laughed and just consoled her
and thought what a crazy night!
If I would have kept a journal
I would have left my wife!
I told my cat in ignorance
one cold and starry night
that she would always be mine
so when she saw me kiss her
she left without a fight
a tear trapped in her whiskers
she walked into the night
Only her tail with her
a loner for all her life
she’s a stray in the alley
meowing in the night
All she wanted was for me to lover her
and hold her very tight
a tear trapped in her whiskers
she meows into the night
They found her in the alley
A note clenched in her paw
“You said I’d always be yours
on that cold and starry night”
I cried when they told me
for she didn’t understand
I am a man and she is but a cat
I’m not a fucking sicko
What the hell was wrong with my cat?
tumblr. <3
I wander around aimlessly
inside you. I wonder
why you let me in
I haven’t a lot of experience.
but you let me in
and now inside
I can’t seem to figure out
exactly what to do
are others better?
am I bad? or just new
I wonder this as I wander inside of you
The past
Remember when I used to write just to get through the day?
I used the ink and paper just to kill the pain
wrote a book just to throw it away
wishing I was just like Mark Twain
Remember when I used to run out and play?
Kicking it back like we could stay
setting out like they were dropping the dime
Me and my friends killing time
Remember when I loved art in a different shade?
pencil and paint I thought would never fade
inspiration that came from a deep down place
nothing but love setting my pace
Remember when that theater was my top station?
lighting and sound were my fixation
building sets, such pure entertainment
working shows like that stage was my basement
Remember when I fought for what I believed?
not caring who was on the scene
dealing my thoughts like I was gonna be on the silver screen
defending my theories better than a queen
Remember when my own bones couldn’t keep me in?
scratching and clawing at my own skin
knowing inside that I could win
I battled so hard it’d make my head spin
Remember when I knew what I could be?
Dreaming all day they started charging fees
coming up with plans that barely lasted
still surprised my bubble didnt get blasted
Remember when my eyes were open?
before I was just a stupid dope head
thoughts would fill my head just laying in bed
I’d find new dreams in every sentence I read
Remember when my hope wasn’t broken?
praying to the sky feeling a door was open
let it all out at the tip of my pencil
knowing I needed it because shit isn’t simple
Remember when I felt a note should be took with every word I said?
a meaning in my words deserving pen
saying every quote in my head
sayings heavy, words of lead
Remember when I didn’t feel bitter?
everyday just seemed to be filled with glitter
I forgave people with a smile
goddamn its been a while
Remember when I felt like a king?
Hell those kids even looked up to me
thinking I had the right
on my throne every night
Remember when
I’d write just to get through the day
would run out and play
and art was in a different shade
Theater was my top station
while I fought for what I believed
My bones couldnt keep me in
I knew what I could be
and my eyes were open
My hope was unbroken
Feeling like they should take notes to what I say
no bitterness
just being king
